She sat down quietly in a corner. One could barely notice her, except for her intermittent sobs that carelessly gave her away. As I took a glance, I found her weeping in such agony as you’d expect of someone who just lost everything.
Her name was Bisi – she told me later. I offered some comfort to her, and later got her to talk, though reluctantly. Bayo is her boyfriend’s – now ex-boyfriend – name. He just broke her heart. And it is only after her life has been broken.
It all started on a Monday; at a restaurant. Bisi, a second year student in the university. She met Bayo, a student in his final year. Both exchanged pleasantries. He encapsulates everything she’s always yearned for in a man: handsome, tall, intelligent, caring and the list goes one.
Bisi on her own part is beautiful and seemingly irresistible. She has dignity and had earned the respect of all and sundry. Bayo was stunned. And as though the meeting was predetermined, they got along very well.
By the second week, after a couple of outings, they started a relationship. Obviously, as you’d expect of a moralist like Bisi, she encouraged that they define the terms and set their boundaries. No sexual intimacy. Bayo eagerly concurred, though he’s not a fan of such rules.
As seasons unfold, they got wound up in the wheel of emotions; lines were crossed, rules were broken. And it was enjoyable, at least for that moment. Since she loved him, letting down guard for him was worth it. Little did she know she was digging her own grave.
She was ready to give all to ‘keep’ him. She’s already aborted thrice and the last one was complicated enough to damage her womb. What a tragedy! But more was yet to come. Bayo dropped the bombshell. He was tired of her. ‘Not after all I’ve been through’, she had responded. And that was all Bayo needed to manhandle her. The beautiful one turned into the beaten one. This reality was too harsh on her. This relationship did not just become a broken one, it broke her life along. Her experience is what I call, ‘Hell on heart’
Now, this is the most interesting part. In a bid to give succour to Bisi, a friend said, ‘A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.’ Give it up!, ‘I wondered out loud. What’s better in that relationship? And while this isn’t the first time I’m hearing that saying, I discovered it’s misguiding as it has taken the emphasis away from the harm other relationships apart from marriage portends.
Sadly, the lives being ruined by these relationships far outweighs the number ruined by broken marriages. Suicide cases of jilted boyfriends and girlfriends is as, if not more, pronounced as that of divorce. Being confident that, after all, it’s a relationship is the reason so many have become villains like Bisi. Friends, relationships can make or mar your life, even when it’s not marital. Many people have a good marriage, yet they can’t forget the hurts of the past.
And by the way, marital or no marital, anything broken isn’t pleasant. How can it be broken and better? What a paradox! Experience can affect expertise. Yesterday can determine tomorrow. Young people now try out relationships that’s obvious enough has nothing for them. Why? Society has made us believe we can afford a broken relationship as long as it’s not marriage. No! You can’t because most lives break with even friendships, hence the need to be properly guided even in the seemingly ordinary relationships.
A broken relationship has inherent in it the potential to break you. If not Bisi wouldn’t have been broken like that. Young people, let’s shift our paradigms, let’s count our cost. Enough of encouraging trial relationships, while we console ourselves that if it breaks, it’s not marriage. No, the reality is much harsher. If I were you, I’ll consider every relationship outside marriage as not better broken and as such will take calculated precautions before embarking on one. Remember, nothing broken can be better.
That was a fiction anyway. But As you read along, you could picture one or two cases of broken relationships; the hurts, the pains, the untold gloom are nothing but sad stories to tell. Time will fail me to talk much about those who are now gays and lesbians, because they had broken relationships. What more can I say!
When you say a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage, what do you really mean? Hear my part of it: I see no reason why philosophy has taught and imbibed in us such belief! What makes a broken relationship better? Some say because the hurt one gets from it is easier to heal compared to that in broken marriage. Bravo! You’re indeed right. But hurt is hurt right?
Look at this: Many relationships give birth to mistrust in the next relationship. How? Imagine a lady who trusted a guy with all her life, only for the guy to jilt her. Let’s say there was no sex until the relationship ended, now tell me if that lady would be able to trust 100 percent in the next relationship.
To me, there’s no point comparing them. They both do great harms. And I’m sure if God would talk about it, He wouldn’t tell us one is better. Or which is better in a mother losing his child at birth or both the mother and the child dying during delivery? None is better! There are broken marriages out there that produces great children, depending on the parents (I hate divorce, anyway. I don’t even support it. But it happens every now and then). And yet there are broken relationships that produce serial killer.
Please, who will tell me which is better taken as drink between a concentrated Sulphoric acid and diluted one? The two are dangerous! So, why say one break-up is better? What is better in a relationship that leaves someone with HIV virus? I even hear people say, only two people are directly affected in a relationship unlike a marriage where many more are affected and I ask, is a single soul that goes with a relationship by committing suicide not a whole Nation? When one heart is broken and fails to heal, a Nation has been broken! A single soul is a Nation of itself.
When we tell people that a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage, we put in them a belief that there’s no big deal in broken relationship since they won’t lose much. Some believe that no matter the level of hurt one gets in a relationship, they’ll get healed in no time and I ask, why allow hurts you’ll be healed from when you can do without getting hurt?
Instead of doing trial and error relationship why not wait patiently and ask God to lead you to one that’ll not break? That’s what I mean when I say,”A broken relationship is NOT better than a broken Marriage”
If you understand what I’m trying to pass across, I’ll advise you don’t belong to the school of thought that, A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage, anymore. Be sure you are ripe enough for a relationship before you set yourself up for had I know show. Don’t rush into any relationship, please.
>It’s better not to go into a relationship that you don’t know where it will lead you, than do trial and error.
>Don’t wait until you console yourself that Thank God you’re not married yet. Many people are divorced today and yet they live good lives but many relationships are broken and the victims never recover from it.
>If you break a relationship God doesn’t want you to break and you console yourself with *A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage* you will be sorry in the end.