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Hi friend, hope you are doing great. Just planning to contribute to your knowledge base and I hope it will be worth the time.
Are you in a relationship? You are about to say that scintillating yes or one just ended? Whatever category you fall into, congratulations. Relationship right? Take a moment and ask yourself what that 12-letter word is…And what is the answer? You are clueless, isn’t it? Then you have a well of information to dig out before you are qualified to be in one.
Wait! Did you go back to read the letters again to confirm if they are actually 12? Then the chances are that you don’t know much about a relationship. As strange as it may be, when the purpose of a thing is not known, its abuse is inevitable.
Now, let me help you, and make sure you get this once and for all. A relationship is the way individuals behave amongst themselves. If that is it, then it’s centred on behaviour. If it is behavioural, then it can be loving or hurting. By implication, it means, “outstanding behaviours beget outstanding relationships” If you want your relationship to experience enduring success, your behaviour must be polished!
Now, back to why we’re here.
He has always been an ambitious man, and a lucky man at that. He went from being a Deputy Governor, to a Governor and from there to a Vice President. The President died and then he acted as President for few months and then He wanted to vie for the Presidency. Tracing his achievements and the empty promises (that was what they turned out to be), almost everyone was ready to cast his/her vote for him. And after collating the results, he was announced the winner. His Name is Goodluck Ebele Jonathan.
But his ascension to the Presidency turned out to be big blow that landed on our hearts and really broke it. Just few months into the presidency, everything turned upside down and our president became clueless. Making it more irritating was the excuse he made. Imagine a President saying, “The problem in my administration were there before I came!” Agreed. But that should have even been the main reason he should have succeeded. He wasn’t caught unawares. That’s called, ‘fixing the blame.’
The illustration above could come handy in making that final decision on who to spend the rest of your life with. As a lady, there is this guy that’s into you and after doing your background checks, he is perfect – or so it seems. And you’re already considering him. He seems to be just the lucky man. After much persuasions, with enough hide and seek, oops, you said YES! But as days roll into weeks and weeks into months, Mr ‘perfect’ began to act strange. He began to find excuses with you. You’re no more an angel, yet he can’t tolerate you. And you’ve been pushed to be curious about why he now sees you as undone and you’re asking why. He started ‘fixing the blame.’
I could imagine him saying, ‘I didn’t know this is really who you are! It was a great mistake I made to have asked you out! You are this and that….’ Does that sound familiar?
Yes! That is the lie you should expect every guy and even every lady to tell in a relationship. It is the same lie men and women alike tell in relationships and marriages.
It is common to find faults in the other person when we are the ones really wrong. How easy is it to point the accusing finger towards our lovers! Do you always turn the table around when you are supposed to say sorry? That should be a rat race you must be ready to stop running. Else, you may be a ‘Goodluck’ in your relationship. If this describes you, I am sorry, you might not have a lasting relationship even if you are in one with an angel.
And if you are a victim of this, you might have to do this: Count your cost to know if the relationship really deserves the time you are investing. Almost everyone wants to blame someone else for the effects in their lives, even if they’re the causes. That’s a lie! So much would be achieved if only you can fix the problem, rather than fix the blame.
How Do We Really Fix The Problem, Rather Than Fix The Blame?
It is relieving enough to know that not all bumpy roads lead to dead ends. Likewise, that there is problem doesn’t mean we can’t still make a success out of a venture. However, this can only materialize by having a humble heart to accept our faults, the mind to admit our wrongs and the willingness to change and adapt to changes. These are key to rebuilding the broken wall – fixing the problem. Prior to all the aforementioned, you must firstly be able to discern there’s a problem, and this consequently leads to a quest to fix such problem. This, as a result, then set the pace for change – change in the right direction.
When you start seeing the unwanted changes in your partner, the first action is to talk it over. When I say talk it over, I really mean talk it over and not fight, quarrel or argue it over. Talking it over will be a platform for better result – of course that is what you want.
Before doing this, you must understand that problem places a demand on change and it’s not meant to break you up or cause your love to deplete. This understanding would not only evoke change, but it would make the change pleasant. It puts you on the line of victory rather than defeat.
Moreover, you must realize that no one is perfect. This will help you not to be perceived as a know-it-all person or having such dispositions. It will also insure you against the possibility of becoming oblivious of the need for even you to re-adjust.
Having armed yourself with those preceding understandings, make your spouse or fiancee know the recent changes you have noticed and how much you so desire they improve. Register your apology if you discover you’re the cause of the changes and you would be willing to do anything to set the relationship in the right direction. Express yourself in a way that he or she will be open to respond. Do this with all humility, even if you are a guy, and then expect a response.
If you truly follow the guidelines above, the response you get is enough for you to decide whether he or she really deserves your love. An unimpressive response could imply you have to go for counselling.
But if you get a desirable response, sit down and plan the start-over (read it here: How Starting Over Will Improve Your Relationship).
Remember this: There is no perfect guy or lady; you have to make them to what you want – their best. Don’t just complain and complain about what they do or fail to do. Others once complained too; only that they have learnt to deal with their problems – to fix it – instead of allowing it to take tolls on their relationships.
I hope you have learnt one or two things. I would like you to share your opinion on this topic.
Thank you for reading.
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